Hello! Today I am reflecting on the heartache of losing loved ones while living abroad. The narrative of such loss and of distance magnifying the grief isn’t shared nearly enough. However, it’s an unfortunate reality that many of us, myself included, have had to face.
Over the course of a single year, I received four dreaded phone calls. Each one brought the heart-wrenching news that a member of my extended family had passed away. The first one was about my grandmother. It transformed a regular workday into a life-altering moment that reshaped my experience as an immigrant and changed my perspective on life.
Dealing with the pain of loss, compounded by the physical distance from my home country, was a daunting challenge. However, I faced it to the best of my abilities. It’s from these deeply personal, difficult experiences that I have learned invaluable lessons. My hope is that these insights might offer some guidance to those walking a similar path.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: The first and foremost step in dealing with the loss of a loved one is to acknowledge your feelings. You may feel a range of emotions: sorrow, guilt, helplessness, even anger. Remember, it’s okay to feel all of this. Your grief is not diminished by the miles between you and your loved one.
2. Navigate the Logistics: Do you have the means, the availability, and the mental strength to fly back home? Do you have to manage legal and financial issues? Dealing with these logistical matters after a loved one’s death can be complex, especially across international borders. You might need to connect with lawyers or financial advisors in your home country. Do not hesitate to seek professional assistance if this becomes overwhelming.
3. Stay Connected: In times of loss, staying connected with your family and friends back home becomes even more crucial. Technology can bridge the distance, enabling you to share memories, express your condolences, or simply lend a virtual shoulder to cry on. This shared grief can be a powerful bonding experience, reminding you that you are not alone. At the same time, it’s important to respect the need that others may have to disconnect and process the pain on their own terms. It’s a fine balance.
4. Honor Their Memory: One of the hardest aspects of dealing with a loss as an expat can be missing the funeral or memorial services. Even though you are far away, there are many ways you can honor your departed loved ones. Perhaps you could plant a tree in their memory, donate to a cause they cared about, or spend a day celebrating their life in a way they would appreciate.
5. Seek Support: Don’t underestimate the value of a support system in your current location. Other expats can understand the unique challenges of processing grief from afar. There is also professional help available, including therapists and counselors who specialize in grief and loss.
6. Take Care of Yourself: Remember to take care of yourself, both physically and emotionally. Eat well, exercise, and try to have enough rest. Grieving is a process, and it takes time. Don’t rush or let others dictate how long your mourning should last. You have your own pace, and it’s important to give yourself the time you need.
While I hope these insights provide some guidance to those grappling with similar circumstances, I’m aware that the path of grief is a personal and individual journey. No two people experience loss in the same way, and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Despite the heartache, remember that you are not alone, and it’s okay to seek help.
Feel free to share your insights and reflections in the comments section below.
Roque Neto 