Hello! Today, let’s talk about a subject that hits closer to home than many of us may be comfortable admitting: loneliness. Recently, the U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy spotlighted the silent but pervasive public health crisis of loneliness, affirming what many of us have known for years.
About a decade ago, I suspected that loneliness was a more widespread problem than most of us realized. This suspicion led me to conduct a study involving over a thousand teachers. The journey was challenging, and the topic was new terrain for many, including the faculty in my doctoral program. However, the insights from researchers such as Cacioppo, Patrick, Hawkley, and Magalit guided me through this uncharted territory.
So, what exactly is loneliness? In essence, it is the subjective feeling of a mismatch between the relationships we desire and the reality of our social interactions. Contrary to popular belief, loneliness isn’t just about being alone or having few social contacts. It’s about the quality of the relationships we have, not the quantity.
You can be in a bustling office surrounded by friendly colleagues all day, or at home with caring family members, and still feel a profound sense of loneliness. The issue is not the number of people around us, but the quality of interactions we have with them. We may have hundreds of friends on social media, but if these connections don’t fulfill our emotional needs, loneliness can still creep in.
Loneliness, at its core, is a distressing emotional response to unfulfilled needs for social connection. It is a deficit, akin to hunger or thirst, that compels us to seek social interactions to restore balance in our lives. This is more than just an unpleasant feeling. It’s an alarm bell, a signal that something is amiss with our social environment.
But loneliness doesn’t just stop at emotional discomfort. It carries with it a host of risks that can impact our mental and physical health. It’s a significant risk factor for depression, stress, and can even contribute to increased morbidity and mortality rates. And this is why we can no longer ignore it.
Rigorous research conducted by Masi and his team uncovered four methods to tackle loneliness: honing social skills, enhancing social support, increasing opportunities for social contact, and addressing maladaptive social cognition.
Interestingly, it’s this last strategy – addressing maladaptive social cognition – that research showed to be particularly effective. You might wonder, “What does that even mean?” In simpler terms, it means addressing the way we think and perceive our social interactions.
Often, individuals experiencing loneliness are more attuned to negative social information and tend to have gloomy expectations of both themselves and others. They might react more strongly to negative experiences and may engage in behaviors that are self-defeating. What the strategy of addressing maladaptive social cognition does is help us recognize and change these unhelpful patterns of thought.
This approach, rooted in cognitive-behavioral therapy, helps individuals experiencing loneliness cultivate a more accurate perception of reality. It gives us the tools to evaluate our daily situations and our own thinking more objectively. In essence, it teaches us to shift our focus from a half-empty glass to a half-full one.
Feeling lonely isn’t a personal failing or something to be ashamed of. It’s a human experience. It’s okay to reach out for help and seek connection. And most importantly, it’s crucial to keep in mind that we have the power to change how we perceive our social world, and in doing so, ease our feelings of loneliness.
Let’s embrace the journey towards fostering meaningful relationships and nurturing our mental wellbeing together.
Until next time!
Roque Neto 