Living for Today: The Trap of the Perfect Tomorrow

Sometimes, it feels like we are living in anticipation of some defining moment. We save money, postpone plans, and make sacrifices, believing that these actions will lead us to something better down the road. Whether it is the dream vacation, a career advancement, or the feeling that we have finally “made it,” we live with this idea that if we do everything right, we will reach a stage in our lives when everything falls into place.

But what happens when that moment never comes? This is a question I have been asking myself for some time, but it hasn’t been as clear as it is right now. Grief has a way of changing our perspective. It forces us to confront the reality that life doesn’t always unfold the way we envision. I am thinking of my father telling me about his plans for retirement. As a truck driver, he had been all over the country but hadn’t had time to enjoy any of it because he was working horrible hours and was on a tight schedule to complete his job. He hoped that during retirement, he would finally be able to actually visit places, rather than just drive by. That was his hope after starting to work at about 14 years old, first to help his mother and later to provide for his children. But a series of strokes took him away before he reached that special phase he had been waiting for his entire life.

Like it was for my father, for many of us, the big moment, the special turning point we have been waiting for, may never arrive. The idea that everything will align just right and we will reach that idealized life can be an illusion.

When we start to grasp this, we might feel lost or even disappointed. After all, we have been taught, through words and behaviors, that we should always sacrifice the now for a brighter future. But I have come to see this differently. Instead of waiting for the elusive “perfect” moment, we can choose to find meaning in the present.

When we stop deferring our happiness and start finding joy in the present moment, we become more grounded in our daily lives. It doesn’t have to be anything big or shiny. It can be as simple as making space for a new haircut that boosts confidence or a weekend getaway with the people who are special in your life. Small things like these can provide the sense of fulfillment we are often chasing.

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that happiness only comes from major achievements. But when we view life this way, we risk missing out on the richness of simple moments. As a counselor in training, I see how this mindset can contribute to unnecessary stress and dissatisfaction. People come into therapy grappling with the sense that they haven’t accomplished enough or that they are somehow failing because life hasn’t turned out the way they imagined. It doesn’t matter how high they have climbed it still doesn’t feel like they have “made it.” Perhaps it is because “making it” in the times we live keeps changing. A comfortable house in a safe neighborhood is no longer enough. Being a millionaire, for many, is not enough either because they want not only to be rich, but also to be famous, to go viral, to continuously experience the thrill of being talked about for whatever reason it may be.

For many, “making it” became more difficult, more addictive, and less meaningful. Perhaps this has to do with the fact that when we measure our worth solely by what we hope to achieve in the future, and the goals we sacrifice for take away from our own physical and mental health, we neglect our present well-being.

This is where self-compassion enters the scene. In counseling, we often talk about the importance of self-care as a necessary practice for maintaining emotional health. It is not about bubble baths and spa days, although those can have their place. True self-care is about recognizing our needs in the moment and treating ourselves with kindness, even when we fall short of our own expectations or the expectations we grew up believing were ours but never really were. They are from others, born of their own frustrations with what they made of their lives and fed to us on a daily basis.

We evolve as individuals not only through achieving milestones but also through our ability to adapt and find meaning in the journey itself. We learn to allow ourselves to enjoy life without guilt or feeling like we have to earn it. Life is fluid, unpredictable, and sometimes painful, but that doesn’t mean we can’t experience joy along the way. We can learn to balance ambition with self-acceptance, enjoying life’s pleasures without waiting for permission or for the big magical event.

I have learned through my own experiences that we can live with integrity and still embrace life’s simple pleasures. I have also learned through the loss of loved ones that the big moment we are waiting for may never arrive, and that is okay. Our lives are no less meaningful because of it. The moments we experience today, the small joys we allow ourselves, are what truly sustain us and help us find meaning and peace within ourselves.

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I will see you next week!