This summer quarter, in addition to Sexual Issues in Counseling, I am taking Family Systems Theory. This course explores the complex nature of family relationships and blends conceptual learning with hands-on practice. This combination helps us process a large amount of information in a short time and allows me to see how individual behavior can be part of something larger.
In this course we are studying theories such as Structural Family Therapy. This approach provides insight into how families organize themselves, who holds power, and where boundaries are overly rigid or diffuse. It provides tools for mapping subsystems and realigning relationships to create clearer, healthier interaction patterns. We are also exploring Cognitive Behavioral Family Therapy, which highlights the role of thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors in shaping how family members respond to one another.
We spent more time on Bowen Family Systems Theory than on other models as we wrote a paper examining the dynamics of our own families through its core concepts. In completing this assignment, two concepts stood out to me. The first is the idea of triangles. When tension rises between two people, a third person often gets pulled in to reduce anxiety, even if that involvement creates a temporary fix instead of addressing the underlying issue. That third position can feel stabilizing, but it also locks in patterns that repeat across time unless someone brings awareness to them. The second concept is differentiation of self. This refers to balancing emotional connection with a clear sense of identity. People with lower differentiation tend to react automatically to anxiety in the system, either by becoming fused or retreating. More differentiated individuals can stay grounded while still relating.
Beyond specific theories, the class emphasizes carrying a systems lens into every case conceptualization: noticing who is absent from the session but still influential, tracking how anxiety circulates, and asking what unspoken loyalties or expectations are shaping the narrative. It also means recognizing that interventions aimed at one person may produce effects elsewhere, so pacing and curiosity matter. Viewing families from a systemic perspective makes clear that a presenting issue is rarely just about the person in front of you. Anxiety, conflict avoidance, and loyalty often reveal how people are linked, how they balance closeness and distance, and how emotional patterns travel across relationships.
Another important component of the coursework is role-play activities, through which the theories come alive. In small groups, we enact scenarios and then switch roles the following week so that everyone gets to be both counselor and client. That process forces me to practice asking systemic questions and trying out interventions. Feedback from peers and instructors is immediate and concrete. This experiential learning gives me permission to learn from mistakes in a safe space before I bring these ideas into clinical practice.
With only two weeks left in the quarter, I expect that comparing theories, engaging in reflective practice, and doing role play will further deepen how I understand families and how I show up for future clients. It will also help me support people in seeing the broader web they are part of while making intentional, informed shifts within it.
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I will see you next week.
Roque Neto 