The holidays are expected to be a time of joy, connection, and celebration. Lights go up, music fills the air, and the word merry seems to follow us, whether on cards, in emails, or in casual greetings. Yet this season can feel heavy for many people, especially this year.
There is an unspoken pressure during the holidays to be happy, or at least to appear that way. The expectation is that we should be grateful and cheerful, regardless of what the rest of our lives look like. For people who are struggling, this pressure can turn the holidays into a performance rather than a source of comfort.
This year, many individuals have experienced their worlds “shrinking.” Financial stress, job insecurity, rising living costs, and uncertainty fueled by whim-based policies have left people disoriented. Long-term planning feels risky when the ground beneath you keeps moving. For some, the sense of stability they once relied on, including career paths, savings, and even a basic feeling of predictability, has begun to erode.
When life feels uncertain, the holidays can magnify that unease. Traditions that once brought joy may now highlight what has been lost: disposable income, a sense of safety, or the ability to gather without worry. Gift-giving becomes stressful rather than generous. Social gatherings feel awkward when we carry anxiety about bills, employment, or the broader direction of the country and the economy.
This situation can create emotional dissonance. On the outside, there is performative cheer. On the inside, there may be grief, fear, anger, or exhaustion. Holding these two realities at the same time can be draining. People may feel guilty for not feeling grateful enough or ashamed that they cannot simply “get into the spirit.” This can lead to isolation, especially because it is hard to admit you are struggling when everyone else seems to be posting smiling photos and festive updates.
But emotions don’t operate on a holiday schedule. Stress doesn’t pause because it is December. Anxiety doesn’t disappear because there is a tree in the living room. And asking people to override their real feelings in favor of forced positivity can deepen distress.
If the holidays feel heavy this year, there is nothing wrong with you. Your response makes sense in the context of economic strain, political uncertainty, and personal loss or limitation. You are not failing the season by feeling tired, worried, or ambivalent.
In this sense, the holidays can also be an opportunity, though not an obligation, to practice self-compassion. That might mean redefining what the season looks like for you. It might mean smaller gatherings, fewer traditions, or letting go of the idea that everything must look a certain way. It might also mean acknowledging that surviving this year is an accomplishment in itself.
Joy doesn’t have to be loud or constant to be real. And it certainly doesn’t have to be performed. This holiday season, my hope is that we can make room for the full range of human experience, not only merriness but also uncertainty, exhaustion, and grief. Allowing ourselves to be real is the most meaningful gift we can give.
I will see you next week.
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Roque Neto 