Becoming in the Space Between

Some growth announces itself loudly. A new role. A new degree. A move to a new city… or even another country. But the growth that feels most meaningful lately has been much quieter than that. It is happening in the therapy room, in supervision, and in the books I read late at night.

Recently, during a call with a professor who was helping me reflect on my identity formation as a counselor, she suggested I return to Carl Rogers. I took her recommendation seriously and picked up On Becoming a Person.

Rogers writes about presence in a way that feels almost radical. He emphasizes congruence, genuineness, and deep empathy. As I read him now, his words land differently. Earlier in my training, I was trying to understand counseling. Now, I’m learning who I am within it.

That shift feels significant.

The more I reflect on Rogers’ ideas about relational conditions, the more I notice where I feel most alive in the work. His emphasis on the healing power of authentic presence has made me more attentive to what happens between people. That awareness has helped me name something that has been emerging in supervision: I love working with couples.

When I started this program, couples therapy was not something I imagined for myself. I assumed I would gravitate toward individual work, exploring internal narratives one person at a time. But over the past few months, and especially through conversations in supervision, I have been able to articulate what I was only sensing before. I’m drawn to the relational field. I’m energized by the complexity of two or more people sitting together, trying to make sense of their relationship in real time.

Couples work is layered and emotionally immediate. It requires attunement to the dynamic that exists between them. It demands steadiness, clarity, and compassion in equal measure.

In those moments when I am in the therapy room with a couple, Rogers’ ideas stop being abstract. Unconditional positive regard becomes a discipline. Empathy becomes an active stance. Congruence becomes essential.

Can I hold both partners with care when they are triggering each other?

Can I remain grounded when tension rises?

Can I trust that, given the right relational conditions, people will move toward growth?

I don’t always get it right. Internship continues to teach me humility. Still, I can sense something forming within me. A steadiness that is less about performing well and more about being fully present.

When I began this counseling program, I was focused on mastering techniques and theories. And that is part of becoming a counselor. But increasingly, becoming a counselor feels more like becoming someone who can tolerate complexity. Someone who can hold tension without rushing to resolve it. Someone who trusts that growth often happens in the space between people.

This evolution is happening quietly. There are no grades or certifications attached to it. Just the steady work of reading, reflecting, sitting with clients, and allowing supervision to help me name what is emerging.

Becoming involves paying attention to where I feel most aligned, most alive, most grounded. It is gaining awareness of the direction my heart gravitates toward. Lately, that alignment is taking shape in ways I did not expect. I’m grateful for that.

If you would like to receive my blog posts in your inbox, please enter your email address below.

I will see you next week.