Recently in my Counseling Theories class at Palo Alto University, we studied Carl Rogers’ Person-Centered Therapy. It’s a complex theory that merits long and deep exploration. However, in this first contact with the theory, one concept that stood out to me was Unconditional Positive Regard (UPR). Today, I want to reflect on this concept and attempt to bridge it from the clinical setting to our daily lives.
At its essence, UPR is the unwavering acceptance of a person regardless of what they say or do. A therapist accepts the client wholeheartedly without judgment, criticism, or seeking to change them. Imagine walking into a room and knowing that, no matter what you reveal about yourself, you will be met with warmth, acceptance, and understanding. That’s the essence of UPR.
Carl Rogers believed that for a person to achieve self-realization and personal growth, they need an environment that provides them with genuineness, acceptance, and empathy.
When clients feel they are seen and valued in their entirety, without any conditions, they often find the courage to face their innermost fears, vulnerabilities, and traumas. This creates a safe space for self-exploration and, ultimately, self-healing.
UPR is much deeper than just a therapist being nice or saying things like “I see you and I value you,” which may feel fake for a client. It’s about genuine respect, a deep belief in the individual’s capacity for growth, and an understanding that every person is the expert of their own experience.
Like all therapeutic tools, UPR isn’t without its challenges. It requires the therapist to set aside their own judgments, biases, and beliefs, to fully step into the client’s world. It demands deep introspection and a continual examination of one’s own feelings and reactions.
While Rogers created the concept of UPR as a tenet of his approach to therapy, I have been thinking about ways to extend it beyond the counseling space. In our daily lives, where many of our relationships are quite transactional or task-driven, asking for anything to be offered unconditionally might be a stretch. However, given where we are in the long history of human development, perhaps we could benefit from simply practicing “Positive Regard”, meaning exercising acceptance and respect to the best of our abilities.
Acceptance and respect have the power to serve as a bridge to more genuine interpersonal connections. When individuals feel a warm embrace of acceptance, they tend to be more authentic and open, paving the way for deeper relationships. Furthermore, many conflicts arise from misunderstandings or perceived disrespect. By cultivating an environment steeped in empathy, we lay a robust foundation for open dialogue and mutual understanding. In diverse settings like workplaces, empathy counters divisiveness and upholds each individual’s inherent value.
Beyond interpersonal benefits, the act of embracing others offers therapeutic benefit for one’s own mind. As Rogers himself noted, the curious paradox is that when we accept someone just as they are, they often undergo transformation. The same, perhaps, could be said about ourselves and the worlds we inhabit. Although the journey might be challenging, it undeniably fosters personal growth as we grapple with our biases and preconceptions.
Here are a few tips to practice Positive Regard or simply acceptance and respect in our everyday:
1. Self-awareness: Begin with introspection. Recognize your own biases, judgments, and triggers. The more aware you are of your internal barriers, the better equipped you’ll be to challenge and change them.
2. Practice Active Listening: Truly listen when someone speaks, without formulating responses or judgments in your mind. This means fully concentrating, understanding, and responding to what’s being shared.
3. Empathy over Sympathy: Instead of feeling sorry for someone, try to understand and feel with them. This can be achieved by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them, but understanding where someone is coming from can help you accept them without judgment.
4. Mindfulness and Meditation: Mindfulness practices can help ground you in the present moment and reduce automatic judgmental reactions. Meditation can help foster a sense of compassion and connectedness to others.
5. Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you catch yourself judging or reacting negatively to someone, stop and challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself why you feel this way and whether your reaction is based on the present situation or past experiences.
6. Educate Yourself: Read books, attend workshops, or watch documentaries that challenge your viewpoints and expand your understanding of diverse perspectives.
7. Remind Yourself of the Human Connection: Remember that every person you interact with has their own fears, hopes, experiences, and battles. They, like you, are human, and this shared humanity can be a foundation for acceptance and respect.
UPR is more than a clinical term. It’s a reminder that beneath our fears and flaws, we are all deserving of acceptance and understanding. While it might be too challenging to practice it unconditionally as intended in the clinical practice, perhaps we can take steps to cultivate it in our daily life. Imagine the transformation possible when we approach one another with this kind of profound respect.
Thank you for allowing me to attempt to bridge UPR to our daily life. Remember, every individual carries an inner universe, intricate and unique. Let’s strive to treat ourselves and others with warmth, respect, and empathy.
Until next time!
Roque Neto 